If you're looking to the internet for help with your wedding plans, you're sure to benefit from the wealth of organizational and comprehensive wedding tips, ideas, tools and resources available right at your fingertips! The internet is packed with useful websites, as well as online stores offering every wedding product and service imaginable. You'll find everything from wedding invitations, wedding keepsakes and wedding favors to online bridal gift registries, travel agencies for destination weddings and honeymoons, wedding consulting services and much more. To ensure that you can recognize and hire or purchase from qualified wedding vendors, the key is to be aware of a few general guidelines.
First, it's important to understand the two basic kinds of online wedding vendors with whom you may choose to do business with.
Wedding Vendor Type 1) An actual, physical storefront who opts to have a website to further broaden their customer base and supplement their offline business.
+ Possible benefits of this type of wedding vendor: This is a wonderful opportunity for you, as you may familiarize yourself with the wedding vendor's offerings via their website and then choose to drop by their store to have a look around and complete your purchase in person. Or you may do this vice-versa - have a look around their store and then go online to make your purchase. This is a very flexible consumer environment for you, as there can be multiple sources of contact and convenient ways to browse! You can also get a personal feel for the type and level of service you may expect from the wedding vendor and their staff.
- Possible drawbacks to this type of wedding vendor: Though not true or hard to measure in many cases, the wedding vendor with a physical storefront does have the potential to be more expensive. And though the storefront exists, it may not be within reasonable driving distance for you to visit in person and explore.
Wedding Vendor Type 2) A virtual store who deals exclusively online.
+ Possible benefits of this type of wedding vendor: You'll often find a reasonable value for your dollar here, as in many cases, online wedding vendors tend to have lower overhead. As well, take advantage of shopping anytime you feel like it...even if it's the middle of the night!
- Possible drawbacks to this type of wedding vendor: In general, you will never actually meet the wedding vendor with whom you are entrusting a certain aspect of your wedding to. To some brides and grooms, this may be worry-some, for others, not a big deal. Do what feels right for you, as this issue may be dependant upon what item or area of your wedding you are shopping for.
What to Look for in an Online Wedding Vendor:
Quality and selection: Look around the website to gain a sense of the overall image of the wedding vendor or their company as a whole. What general impression do you get from the products or services offered? What about the tone, variety and general appearance of the website? As with offline wedding vendors, first impressions speak volumes online. If applicable, browse through photographs, screenshots, detailed spec lists, virtual tours and any other information provided. When dealing with products specifically, many websites display close-up versions of product pictures, which accurately showcase items from several different angles or viewing points.
Availability and delivery: Check into shipping rates and time frames for delivery, as well as possible limitations/restrictions of service in your area of residence. In regards to products, ensure that you are aware of shipping cost variations for items exceeding a certain weight, or oppositely, any shipping discount awarded for purchases in large quantities, such as wedding favors.
Physical address or mailing location: Many wedding vendors are eager to supply this information to give customers a sense of security that they're a dependable and trustworthy "real" business.
Methods of contact: Wedding vendors want to communicate with you! Quality wedding professionals look forward to meeting your needs and usually provide several means of communication. Look for email addresses, online forms or phone numbers. Some wedding websites even provide a "Live Help" button with which you can carry out a real-time conversation with a staff member. In addition to giving you many options for contact, many online wedding vendors also have a "Frequently Asked Questions" page on their website that may be of some assistance to you. Often, common questions are outlined and explained for immediate answers.
Helpful suggestions or advice: Not to be confused with the above point! While a wedding vendor may offer open lines of communication with you, they must follow through on it! Keep an eye out for their attitude toward you. Was their response to your inquiry prompt? Enthusiastic? Informative? Look for a willingness from the wedding vendor to answer your questions, provide details and offer you suggestions. See if they have an overall positive attitude toward you and about your wedding, as well as toward their business in general.
Experience: Wedding vendors want to prove that they are trustworthy and reliable! Check out the wedding vendor's "Testimonials" or "Reviews" web page. See what other brides and grooms have had to say about their experience with this wedding vendor's product or service. If available, check out their "Press" section to see what media coverage they have experienced and for what reasons. Look for a wedding vendor who takes pride in what they do and in the level of service they provide to their clients. Take it a step further and type the appropriate business name or web address into your search engine of choice to spend at least a few minutes paging through the search results on a particular wedding vendor before buying. You may find articles and press releases about the wedding vendor. Even more helpful: you may come across forums or other valuable feedback from brides and grooms who have personally dealt with the wedding vendor.
Free sample or trial options: With wedding products, many online wedding vendors get your attention by offering a free sample of their wares. For example, a wedding stationery store may offer to mail a sample invitation kit mailed right to your door so you can see the quality of the cardstock and design in person. With wedding services, many online wedding vendors may offer a free trial option. For example, a guest list software company may offer a trial version or time period for you to check out their system and see how easy it is to use. Often, if a wedding service provider does not offer a free trial, they will provide screenshots or an online tour for you to experience a "sneak peek" of their services. If no sample or trial options are available, see what money-back guarantees or refund policies are in place.
Secure payment options: Many online wedding vendors accommodate with several payment options for your convenience. Some process credit cards directly on their website, or through a third party website. You may also have the option to mail in a personal check or money order. Please be advised that this could delay processing and shipping until payment is received by the company. It may require longer, more flexible timelines on your part, often by one week to 10 days.
Keep these general guidelines in mind while shopping online for your wedding, and you'll be ready to make smart, conscientious decisions. When you choose to be informed and aware, you possess savvy online shopper skills that enable you to make the best wedding product or service purchases for you and your dream wedding!
About the Author
Jennifer Benson is Vice President and cofounder of WedQuarters.com Wedding Websites, a leading online wedding service provider. WedQuarters offers complete personal wedding websites, enhanced with dozens of useful and fun features.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Want To Know More About Wedding Planners? (by Norm Goldman)
Today, Norm Goldman, Editor of Sketchandtravel and Bookpleasures is pleased to have as a guest Judy Allen. Judy is the author of Your Stress Free Wedding Planner (Sourcebooks, Inc.), as well as five professional books on event planning (John Wiley and Sons).
Judy has created-produced-orchestrated special events in over 30 countries for up to
2,000 guests.
Good day Judy and thank you for agreeing to our interview.
Norm:
Judy, could you tell us something about yourself and how you became involved in wedding planning?
Judy:
I started out in travel and managing one of the highest producing offices for a national chain. As part of my office’s growth, I developed corporate business, which evolved into handling all of their corporate events such as incentives, conferences, conventions, product launches and social corporate branding events.
Subsequently, I joined one of the leading incentive houses to design custom one- of- a kind events around the world for corporate clients.
Over ten years ago, I opened my own special events company. As a result, I have created-produced-orchestrated corporate and social special events around the world for over fifteen years, including the gala theatrical opening for Disney’s Beauty and the Beast and the co-ordination of Oscar winning director Norman Jewison’s 25th Anniversary Celebration of Fiddler on the Roof.
In addition, I am also the author of five best-selling professional books on event planning that are being used around the world by industry and business professionals, and as teaching tools by Universities and Colleges.
The foreign rights for my second book, The Business of Event Planning, have been sold to China and Russia, and Harvard has deemed my third book, Event Planning Ethics and Etiquette, a “must read” for event planning and small business professionals.
The event planning series of books came about as a result of my being called “to run and rescue” non-profit gala events days before an event was scheduled to take place.
I noticed that many charitable organisations were clueless as to what to be aware of and wary of when planning events. I found this most disturbing.
The same situation occurred with wedding planning. Clients or their friends began to consult with me regarding their personal wedding plan needs. I kept hearing from them as to how stressful they found the process to be- the hidden costs and surprises they kept encountering along the way. Because of the direction I am taking my company, I do limit the number of weddings that I personally become involved in.
I wrote Your Stress Free Wedding Planner as a means to provide couples with what they need to know from a design, budget, implementation (logistics) and orchestration perspective – not etiquette – when they go to plan their wedding. I wanted to give them a wedding planning tool that would held them enjoy the process, lessen the stress and show them how to create a wedding day that is meaningful, memorable and magical.
Norm:
Could you tell us something about your book Your Stress Free Wedding Planner?
Judy:
I have shared with readers the ten key planning steps, that when followed in sequential order, will allow the bride and groom-to-be to create and co-ordinate a wedding that will exceed their expectations and stay within their wedding budget guidelines. It does not matter if a couple has six weeks to plan their wedding or a year or more, the event planning principles I have designed and the order of the steps which be followed for optimum results, remain the same.
Your Stress Free Wedding Planner simplifies the wedding planning process and allows everyone involved to relax, and enjoy the festivities that lead up to this very special day, secure in the knowledge that everything has been attended to.
What is unique about Your Stress Free Wedding Planner is the wedding design questionnaire that will show the bride and the groom how to combine their individual wedding visions and take them their personal idea of a dream wedding to one that will become “our” dream wedding. I also show couples contract red flag areas – that can cost them thousands of dollars more than they expected – that they need to be aware of before they sign on the dotted line as well as areas of negotiation and terms and conditions that they need to have amended on their contracts.
Norm:
If you had to choose 5 of the most romantic wedding destinations in the world, which ones would you choose and why?
Judy:
For me 5 of the most romantic wedding destinations in the world would be
· Greece/Greek Islands for their beauty, ambience and history – you can relax, sightsee, and have fun exploring as a couple:
· South Pacific (Bora Bora) – getting married on the beach and honeymooning in an over the water thatched bungalow with glass bottom floors – perfect setting in a romantic paradise
· Bali – staying at the Four Seasons that come with private plunge pools and secluded outdoor showers – a romantic hideaway from the world:
· Egypt (getting married with Pyramids as the backdrop) then on to the Valley of the Kings/cruising the Nile (honeymoon) exotic and a trip of a lifetime:
· Italy – Rome, Venice, Tuscany, Capri, Florence – so many romantic choices to choose from. You can hold your wedding reception in a castle, rent a private villa in Tuscany, hold the wedding and reception there (and honeymoon for the rest of your stay), take-over a medieval hamlet or be married or hold your wedding reception in a winery. Italy just has the air of romance.
Norm:
You have indicated that you have sailed on all types of yachts/ships. Which yacht or ship did you find to be the most romantic?
Judy:
Failing to afford chartering your own private yacht and set your own course, I personally found Windstar Cruises to be more romantic than larger cruiselines. I liked the more intimate feeling aboard ship.
Their guest count ranges in the low hundreds (148 to 308) as opposed to the in the thousands and they are not geared to having children onboard. I also like that you have the luxury of eating meals at your leisure and not at set times, summoned by a bell.
There are no formal seating table assignments – you can dine or your own or with couples you have met, there are no jacket and tie requirements and should you chose dinner can be served to your cabin. I also like the tucked away ports of calls available to you – due to being on a smaller sailing vessel -- and the easy on and off of the ship. And sitting out on deck, under the stars when the sails are unfurled is extremely romantic.
Norm:
What is a wedding planner and how do you separate the good ones from the incompetent?
Judy:
What is a wedding planner and how do you separate the good ones from the incompetent?
In the planning industry there are two types of planners: Event Planners and Wedding Planners.
Generally, event planners handle designing and producing corporate, social and non-profit events. The types of events they are involved in can be quite diverse -- from complex one-day entertaining events strategically planned to meet business objectives to corporate learning, performance, motivational events and elaborate arrangements of incentive or product launch theme productions that take place over the course of a week around the world. Some event planners handle not only event design, but also education and entertaining components (transportation, accommodation, food, beverage, decor, entertainment, themes) but also multimedia stage production. This is the type of event planning that I have been primarily involved in.
Wedding planners work with newly engaged couples to help them create the wedding of their dreams. They take over all the wedding planning and operation requirements, consulting closely with their clients along the way. They are compassionate, caring and adept at handling the emotional elements that are tied to planning a wedding when nerves are frayed, couples get jittery and help find areas of compromise between couples and their families when there are opposing ideas on how the wedding day should unfold. Wedding planners co-ordinate the weddings from beginning to end and are on hand on the wedding day to oversee that all goes as planned. Some wedding planners also handle social events as the two event planning styles are closely aligned whereas event planners who mainly work with corporate and business related social events generally do not cross over into wedding planning as juggling the needs of these two very different clients does not tend to mesh.
If couples are considering hiring a wedding planner, I suggest they first read Your Stress Free Wedding Planner.
With this in mind, they will immediately be able to spot the level of competency of a wedding planner, and they will be able to discern if the wedding planner is experienced or not.
Experienced wedding planners are able to fully answer questions pertaining to the budget, contract and logistical problems.
Check references- not only other wedding couples that have hired them. Also check the venues in which they have held their events.
Find out their level of ability e.g. if the wedding planner has only done events for 50 guests or less and your wedding is for 500 or more, there will be a learning curve for the wedding planner – don’t let it be at your expense.
Norm:
Have you ever planned weddings for any celebrities?
Judy:
No, not weddings, but social events with Oscar winning guests and celebrities in attendance, such as the theatrical gala premiere of Beauty and the Beast and the co-ordination of Oscar winning director’s Norman Jewison’s 25th Anniversary Celebration for Fiddler on the Roof.
Norm:
Could you tell us which wedding celebration you had planned that was the most memorable and why?
Judy:
They are all memorable – each is different and unique.
However, the one that was most memorable was one where I was a guest but got involved when there was a slight glitch.
It was an outdoor reception and the staff carrying the wedding cake out to garden for the cake cutting ceremony, tripped over one of the small children that was attending the event.
The child was okay as was the wait staff but the wedding cake landed upside down. Luckily a cloth had been placed over the cake for the reveal and guests were not aware of exactly what had taken place.
The cake was carefully righted and I went into the kitchen to meet with the chef to see what the damage had done. The top of the cake was totally smashed. I quickly gathered the bridesmaids’ bouquets that matched the flowers the bride was carrying and with the chef’s help, some plastic wrap (to protect the cake from flowers as flowers were not edible etc.) and icing.
The flowers were artfully arranged on top and fresh icing was skilfully applied to mask the dents and damage. The cake was made picture perfect without guests being any the wiser and raves were given to the floral topping on the cake. The bride and groom had been advised of what happened and were trilled with the results.
Norm:
What is your idea of a unique romantic destination?
Judy:
The amount of time it takes to get to the Seychelles can be quite daunting with airline connections and layovers (depending where you are travelling) but after arrival, there was never one moment that I regretted the travel time. What is a wonderful romantic combination is doing an African safari first and then flying to the Seychelles for the rest of your stay.
Norm:
Is there anything else you would like to tell our readers about wedding planning, romantic getaways or wedding destinations?
Judy:
Should you decide to combine your wedding with your honeymoon, there are now bridal registries that handle weddings and honeymoons at upscale hotel properties around the world.
Instead of giving a toaster as a wedding gift, family and friends celebrating your nuptials can contribute to your destination wedding. As an example: the activities on your honeymoon stay, or a couples’ massage or a private romantic dinner for two after the wedding.
These individuals work with wedding specialists at the location to pre-arrange all the wedding and personalized honeymoon details.
They also advise couples on the legal issues that being married in a specific location will entail.
If couples are planning a destination wedding they need to make sure that all is in order for them to get married and to file their marriage papers after their wedding.
One couple that flew to the Caribbean for their wedding did not check into residency requirements for weddings. They did not allow sufficient time and were unable to extend their time on the island, as they had to return to work. Unfortunately, they ended up posing for wedding photographs on the beach and then getting married at home.
One last comment, I have a second wedding planner coming out in 2006 called Engaged to Married in Three Months or Less (Sourcebooks, Inc.) and I will be covering destination weddings in the book. Stay tuned!
Thanks Judy and good luck with all of your future projects.
Norm Goldman is Editor of the travel site, http://sketchandtravel.com and the book reviewing site, http://bookpleasures.com.
Norm and his artist wife Lily meld words with art focusing on romantic and wedding destinations. You can view their articles on sketchandtravel.com.
Norm also is the editor of bookpleasures.com - a group of twenty five international book reviewers who come from all walks of life.
Norm is always open to receive requests for book reviews. In addition, Norm and Lily are always open to receive invitations to romantic resorts in the New England States & Florida.
Judy has created-produced-orchestrated special events in over 30 countries for up to
2,000 guests.
Good day Judy and thank you for agreeing to our interview.
Norm:
Judy, could you tell us something about yourself and how you became involved in wedding planning?
Judy:
I started out in travel and managing one of the highest producing offices for a national chain. As part of my office’s growth, I developed corporate business, which evolved into handling all of their corporate events such as incentives, conferences, conventions, product launches and social corporate branding events.
Subsequently, I joined one of the leading incentive houses to design custom one- of- a kind events around the world for corporate clients.
Over ten years ago, I opened my own special events company. As a result, I have created-produced-orchestrated corporate and social special events around the world for over fifteen years, including the gala theatrical opening for Disney’s Beauty and the Beast and the co-ordination of Oscar winning director Norman Jewison’s 25th Anniversary Celebration of Fiddler on the Roof.
In addition, I am also the author of five best-selling professional books on event planning that are being used around the world by industry and business professionals, and as teaching tools by Universities and Colleges.
The foreign rights for my second book, The Business of Event Planning, have been sold to China and Russia, and Harvard has deemed my third book, Event Planning Ethics and Etiquette, a “must read” for event planning and small business professionals.
The event planning series of books came about as a result of my being called “to run and rescue” non-profit gala events days before an event was scheduled to take place.
I noticed that many charitable organisations were clueless as to what to be aware of and wary of when planning events. I found this most disturbing.
The same situation occurred with wedding planning. Clients or their friends began to consult with me regarding their personal wedding plan needs. I kept hearing from them as to how stressful they found the process to be- the hidden costs and surprises they kept encountering along the way. Because of the direction I am taking my company, I do limit the number of weddings that I personally become involved in.
I wrote Your Stress Free Wedding Planner as a means to provide couples with what they need to know from a design, budget, implementation (logistics) and orchestration perspective – not etiquette – when they go to plan their wedding. I wanted to give them a wedding planning tool that would held them enjoy the process, lessen the stress and show them how to create a wedding day that is meaningful, memorable and magical.
Norm:
Could you tell us something about your book Your Stress Free Wedding Planner?
Judy:
I have shared with readers the ten key planning steps, that when followed in sequential order, will allow the bride and groom-to-be to create and co-ordinate a wedding that will exceed their expectations and stay within their wedding budget guidelines. It does not matter if a couple has six weeks to plan their wedding or a year or more, the event planning principles I have designed and the order of the steps which be followed for optimum results, remain the same.
Your Stress Free Wedding Planner simplifies the wedding planning process and allows everyone involved to relax, and enjoy the festivities that lead up to this very special day, secure in the knowledge that everything has been attended to.
What is unique about Your Stress Free Wedding Planner is the wedding design questionnaire that will show the bride and the groom how to combine their individual wedding visions and take them their personal idea of a dream wedding to one that will become “our” dream wedding. I also show couples contract red flag areas – that can cost them thousands of dollars more than they expected – that they need to be aware of before they sign on the dotted line as well as areas of negotiation and terms and conditions that they need to have amended on their contracts.
Norm:
If you had to choose 5 of the most romantic wedding destinations in the world, which ones would you choose and why?
Judy:
For me 5 of the most romantic wedding destinations in the world would be
· Greece/Greek Islands for their beauty, ambience and history – you can relax, sightsee, and have fun exploring as a couple:
· South Pacific (Bora Bora) – getting married on the beach and honeymooning in an over the water thatched bungalow with glass bottom floors – perfect setting in a romantic paradise
· Bali – staying at the Four Seasons that come with private plunge pools and secluded outdoor showers – a romantic hideaway from the world:
· Egypt (getting married with Pyramids as the backdrop) then on to the Valley of the Kings/cruising the Nile (honeymoon) exotic and a trip of a lifetime:
· Italy – Rome, Venice, Tuscany, Capri, Florence – so many romantic choices to choose from. You can hold your wedding reception in a castle, rent a private villa in Tuscany, hold the wedding and reception there (and honeymoon for the rest of your stay), take-over a medieval hamlet or be married or hold your wedding reception in a winery. Italy just has the air of romance.
Norm:
You have indicated that you have sailed on all types of yachts/ships. Which yacht or ship did you find to be the most romantic?
Judy:
Failing to afford chartering your own private yacht and set your own course, I personally found Windstar Cruises to be more romantic than larger cruiselines. I liked the more intimate feeling aboard ship.
Their guest count ranges in the low hundreds (148 to 308) as opposed to the in the thousands and they are not geared to having children onboard. I also like that you have the luxury of eating meals at your leisure and not at set times, summoned by a bell.
There are no formal seating table assignments – you can dine or your own or with couples you have met, there are no jacket and tie requirements and should you chose dinner can be served to your cabin. I also like the tucked away ports of calls available to you – due to being on a smaller sailing vessel -- and the easy on and off of the ship. And sitting out on deck, under the stars when the sails are unfurled is extremely romantic.
Norm:
What is a wedding planner and how do you separate the good ones from the incompetent?
Judy:
What is a wedding planner and how do you separate the good ones from the incompetent?
In the planning industry there are two types of planners: Event Planners and Wedding Planners.
Generally, event planners handle designing and producing corporate, social and non-profit events. The types of events they are involved in can be quite diverse -- from complex one-day entertaining events strategically planned to meet business objectives to corporate learning, performance, motivational events and elaborate arrangements of incentive or product launch theme productions that take place over the course of a week around the world. Some event planners handle not only event design, but also education and entertaining components (transportation, accommodation, food, beverage, decor, entertainment, themes) but also multimedia stage production. This is the type of event planning that I have been primarily involved in.
Wedding planners work with newly engaged couples to help them create the wedding of their dreams. They take over all the wedding planning and operation requirements, consulting closely with their clients along the way. They are compassionate, caring and adept at handling the emotional elements that are tied to planning a wedding when nerves are frayed, couples get jittery and help find areas of compromise between couples and their families when there are opposing ideas on how the wedding day should unfold. Wedding planners co-ordinate the weddings from beginning to end and are on hand on the wedding day to oversee that all goes as planned. Some wedding planners also handle social events as the two event planning styles are closely aligned whereas event planners who mainly work with corporate and business related social events generally do not cross over into wedding planning as juggling the needs of these two very different clients does not tend to mesh.
If couples are considering hiring a wedding planner, I suggest they first read Your Stress Free Wedding Planner.
With this in mind, they will immediately be able to spot the level of competency of a wedding planner, and they will be able to discern if the wedding planner is experienced or not.
Experienced wedding planners are able to fully answer questions pertaining to the budget, contract and logistical problems.
Check references- not only other wedding couples that have hired them. Also check the venues in which they have held their events.
Find out their level of ability e.g. if the wedding planner has only done events for 50 guests or less and your wedding is for 500 or more, there will be a learning curve for the wedding planner – don’t let it be at your expense.
Norm:
Have you ever planned weddings for any celebrities?
Judy:
No, not weddings, but social events with Oscar winning guests and celebrities in attendance, such as the theatrical gala premiere of Beauty and the Beast and the co-ordination of Oscar winning director’s Norman Jewison’s 25th Anniversary Celebration for Fiddler on the Roof.
Norm:
Could you tell us which wedding celebration you had planned that was the most memorable and why?
Judy:
They are all memorable – each is different and unique.
However, the one that was most memorable was one where I was a guest but got involved when there was a slight glitch.
It was an outdoor reception and the staff carrying the wedding cake out to garden for the cake cutting ceremony, tripped over one of the small children that was attending the event.
The child was okay as was the wait staff but the wedding cake landed upside down. Luckily a cloth had been placed over the cake for the reveal and guests were not aware of exactly what had taken place.
The cake was carefully righted and I went into the kitchen to meet with the chef to see what the damage had done. The top of the cake was totally smashed. I quickly gathered the bridesmaids’ bouquets that matched the flowers the bride was carrying and with the chef’s help, some plastic wrap (to protect the cake from flowers as flowers were not edible etc.) and icing.
The flowers were artfully arranged on top and fresh icing was skilfully applied to mask the dents and damage. The cake was made picture perfect without guests being any the wiser and raves were given to the floral topping on the cake. The bride and groom had been advised of what happened and were trilled with the results.
Norm:
What is your idea of a unique romantic destination?
Judy:
The amount of time it takes to get to the Seychelles can be quite daunting with airline connections and layovers (depending where you are travelling) but after arrival, there was never one moment that I regretted the travel time. What is a wonderful romantic combination is doing an African safari first and then flying to the Seychelles for the rest of your stay.
Norm:
Is there anything else you would like to tell our readers about wedding planning, romantic getaways or wedding destinations?
Judy:
Should you decide to combine your wedding with your honeymoon, there are now bridal registries that handle weddings and honeymoons at upscale hotel properties around the world.
Instead of giving a toaster as a wedding gift, family and friends celebrating your nuptials can contribute to your destination wedding. As an example: the activities on your honeymoon stay, or a couples’ massage or a private romantic dinner for two after the wedding.
These individuals work with wedding specialists at the location to pre-arrange all the wedding and personalized honeymoon details.
They also advise couples on the legal issues that being married in a specific location will entail.
If couples are planning a destination wedding they need to make sure that all is in order for them to get married and to file their marriage papers after their wedding.
One couple that flew to the Caribbean for their wedding did not check into residency requirements for weddings. They did not allow sufficient time and were unable to extend their time on the island, as they had to return to work. Unfortunately, they ended up posing for wedding photographs on the beach and then getting married at home.
One last comment, I have a second wedding planner coming out in 2006 called Engaged to Married in Three Months or Less (Sourcebooks, Inc.) and I will be covering destination weddings in the book. Stay tuned!
Thanks Judy and good luck with all of your future projects.
Norm Goldman is Editor of the travel site, http://sketchandtravel.com and the book reviewing site, http://bookpleasures.com.
Norm and his artist wife Lily meld words with art focusing on romantic and wedding destinations. You can view their articles on sketchandtravel.com.
Norm also is the editor of bookpleasures.com - a group of twenty five international book reviewers who come from all walks of life.
Norm is always open to receive requests for book reviews. In addition, Norm and Lily are always open to receive invitations to romantic resorts in the New England States & Florida.
10 Secrets to a Successful Stress-Free Wedding (by Chuck Groot)
Your wedding is supposed to be the most important day in a your life, and yet for many, just getting there in one piece is harder than fitting stilettos on an elephant. Why is it so difficult? The biggest problem is stress and how the interplay of all the different participants at your wedding adds or subtract from that stress. Here are some wedding ideas to have a truly successful and happy wedding.
Scientists use the term HOMEOSTASIS (homeo = the same; stasis = standing) to define the physiological limits within which the body functions efficiently and comfortably. Stress disturbs homeostasis by creating a state of imbalance. The Lord knows how easily some people can cause us imbalance. Well, the secret of all of this is that, if we know how difficult it is to change ourselves, we must then take for granted that we are not going to be able to change others, especially between now and the wedding date. So what can we do to make or create STASISHOMEO “the ability to maintain the same mental condition we enjoy now on the day of your wedding” (LOL)?
The all time stress-o-meter gives the following scores to different stress events in our lives:
Event Stress Score
Death of spouse 100
Divorce 73
Marital separation 65
Jail term 63
Death of a close relative 63
Personal injury or illness 53
Marriage / partnership commitment 50
Loss of job 47
Retirement 45
Illness in family 44
Sexual problems 39
Childbirth 39
Change in finances 38
Death of a close friend 37
Change of job 36
Taking out a mortgage or loan 31
Mortgage foreclosure 30
Increased responsibilities 29
Offspring leaves home 29
Fight with in-laws 29
I don’t know girls, but I think that a fight with the boss rates right up there with marriage.
The first thing we must do is to be able to recognize stress in others and ourselves. Stress management involves four main tasks:
ü Recognize and understand the signs of stress.
ü Identify and understand the sources of stress.
ü Learn to manage controllable sources of stress.
ü Learn to support yourself and cope with stress reactions to
situations beyond your control.
Signs of Stress
Over-stress reactions include a wide range of symptoms: stomach aches, headaches, sleep problems, poor concentration, moodiness, irritability, and racing thoughts. It's important to recognize that these are all signs of stress overload, probably not signs of a more serious condition.
Now that you know all this good stuff, does it help? No! We need some tools and strategies to help you have a Successful Wedding.
1. A great stress reducer is getting in shape for the wedding.
Let’s face it; you are going to have a second full time job. Planning and organizing a wedding is a time-consuming and energy zapping experience, not to mention the marathon parties, the family get togethers, and all that glorious shopping. Don’t forget, all the marathon parties, food, drinks, cake, drinks, dinners. Did I mention drinks? This sends your body and nervous system for a loop.
What’s the best thing to do? Go for a walk. That’s right, a nice calm, stress relieving, pound reducing walk. Or if you are so inclined, go to the gym and work out. Aspiring brides and grooms who want to get fit for their perfect day are latching onto a fitness trend where gyms, personal trainers and spas all promise weight loss, toning and a healthy glow in “bridal boot camps.” The more energy you use, the more stress you rid yourself of (and it helps to tone your legs and build your cardiovascular system so that you can dance all night long at your reception!)
It is also very important to be eating right and taking time to rest both of which can vastly improve energy levels. Start drinking more water instead of caffeine and sugar-loaded liquids. Reduce salt intake. Caffeine, sugar and salt, cause chemical reactions to your nervous system by making you jumpy, nervous and high-strung, so make sure you watch your consumption of these items. Salt, or sodium, also helps your body retain water, causing that bloating, puffed-up feeling.
2. Secondly, couples have to realize they shouldn't expect "perfection". Expect a "terrific" day and set reasonable expectations.
This actually is considered the number one stress factor – desperately seeking perfection. You must remember what your main goal is, and that is to get married to the one you love the most in the entire world. Setting expectations that are too high will create stress and lead to frustration, and then more stress.
There will be stress, you can count on it. Why? Because there are not only a lot of decisions to be made but also many details to be worked out, and others may want, or try to influence you. Such pressure is not bad or wrong; it just requires that you and your fiancé be aware of what is really happening. Try to respond to issues and avoid reacting to things. It will make a big difference.
Remember, things will go wrong; you are dealing with people and lots of variables. Don’t sweat the small stuff; the key is that if something does go wrong only you will know about it. The best way to make sure that things don’t go wrong is to plan carefully, track faithfully, and confirm diligently.
*The week before the wedding call all your vendors and check the date, time and location with them to verify the correct details. Give a list of their phone numbers to someone in case any of them don't show up on the day.*
3. Picture your wedding the way you want it, visualize all of your details clearly in your mind, and stay focused on what you want.
Couples are constantly re-defining weddings. They seem to place more importance on their wedding being a celebration of individual love than on fussiness, formalities or old-fashioned, outdated etiquette. They are celebrating who they are, right now.
Remember, if you fail to dream, you will live your nightmare, so figure out what it is you want and go for it. With this mental image, you can list down all the details, and one by one, when you have either completed them or delegated them to someone you trust to make sure that they get done the way you want them to be done, you can check them off. Having this list is a huge stress buster and it helps you sleep at night. Another secret for a good night’s sleep is to have a notebook beside your bed, and every time you wake up thinking that there is something you think you missed, write it down.
Often simplicity in a wedding ceremony is much more beautiful than having too much. This helps keep stress levels down as well. You can also create a great wedding website at www.22wed.com where you can keep everybody informed about what is happening and that will help keep you focused.
4. Time is always another stressful factor.
Another great stress reducer and wedding success maker is time management. Couples who begin planning early and pace themselves should be able to avoid last minute chaos. The old saying, “An hour late and a dollar short” could never be more applicable than for a wedding. Give yourself as much time as possible to dream about your wedding, write down all your goals (things you need to do), budget for each area, and give yourself time for a breather. Below you will find a basic wedding planner with guidelines as to what you might need to do and when it would be appropriate to get done.
Speaking of a breather, while planning your wedding you may have found that it has essentially taken over your life. You need to reclaim your life, even if it is only for a day or for a few hours, and take some time to yourself. Make time to connect with your partner and spend positive time together.
What is it you used to do before all of this planning? Do you like to read? Do you enjoy gardening? How about going for walks? Whatever it is that you may have let slip or sacrificed for the greater good, you need to take that time to yourself and your loved one and enjoy the relaxation that comes with doing something that you enjoy.
Learning to delegate is vital, especially the day of the wedding. Put someone else in charge of paying the vendors, moving the guest book from the ceremony to the reception site, double-checking with the caterers, or any other small task. Read through your list and assign everything! Hey, it’s your day – enjoy it!!!
5. Relationships themselves, between the bride and groom, can be stressful and can become even more stressful prior to the marriage.
Back on the stress-o-meter, we see that getting married in itself is a very stressful change in a person’s life. When we further add to that: late nights, changes in eating habits, changes in drinking habits, fear of all kinds (failure, things going wrong, anxiety attacks, tripping down the aisle, etc), we see that things can get out of perspective with the one we love.
As the old song says, “You always hurt the one you Love”, and there are other relationships other than the one with your fiancé’: those between the bride and her family, her sisters, her bridesmaids, the groom and his friends and family. The "relationships" I'm speaking of, are everywhere and not limited to the relationship between the bride and groom.
Take some time to reconnect with your closest friends. Try not to talk too much about your planning, but realize that it is a part of your life right now and your friends probably are interested. However, they also want you to be interested in their lives, so don’t forget to ask them questions and turn the attention towards them, too.
To get away from centering on ourselves, we need to do something for someone else. You will be surprised how good (and relaxed) you will feel by making someone else feel good. Cook a friend dinner, serve a meal at your local soup kitchen, baby-sit for a couple who could use a break, take your niece or nephew out for an ice cream cone...there are so many things you can do for so many people - give it a try and see how good you feel!
Another really important aspect to remember is that there are always some people (relatives or friends) who know how to "push your buttons". When you are feeling very stressed… be sure to stay away from or at least limit your time with these people. I know it’s hard, but force yourself to – it will pay dividends in the long run.
Speaking about being hard – JUST SAY NO! Now is not the time to be a people-pleaser. There may be many people around you who want to have their say about how your wedding should be arranged. Nevertheless, this is your day, and while you will want to accommodate others' views, much stress can be avoided if you start as you mean to go on, clearly asserting your wishes and plans wherever possible, and not encouraging suggestions that you know will eventually be turned down. Being honest is the best policy all round.
That point brings me to the topic of arguing. Where weddings are concerned, the emotionally tense environment can lead people to make mountains out of molehills. How spoons and forks are placed on tables may never have mattered before, but they may become a hot topic of debate between parents and the bride/groom-to-be.
Try to avoid arguing over petty things. Remember that it's better to have a simpler wedding and that in the end; it's not the minute details of your wedding that will really make your marriage or your relationship with your family members successful.
Finally, remember the intention behind the tension. Why is your mother insisting you wear that horrid dress on your wedding day? Why is your father insisting on getting to the hall on the day of the wedding by taking the most complicated route?
It's not because they're your worst enemies. Their reasons are that they love you and want what's the best for you. Reminding yourself of the intention behind the source of conflict will help you realize that while you are getting stressed over the disagreements over certain issues pertaining to the wedding, behind that disagreement there is love and concern. Your families, especially your parents, want what's best for you and that concern is what is motivating them.
6. Money issues also frequently come up and create stressful situations.
Don't forget to budget! Since money is such an easy thing to fight about, make sure you sit down at the beginning of the process, agree on how much money you're going to spend, and stick to it! I know, I know, budget is as close to a four-letter word as you can get, but it also can bring you closer to those you love. If everyone is on the same page and in agreement, everything will go much more smoothly.
Grooms might find themselves more concerned about, or "stressed out" about money. Subconsciously, rightly or wrongly, men often will have the concept that they will have to take care of the women, and that includes financially taking care of them. Money and financial issues are almost always stress-inducing, and it doesn't necessarily matter how much money someone has! Whether you are a bride or a groom, a wedding is a time where all kinds of stress can manifest itself. So do not dodge this bullet. Meet it head on and openly discuss each and every detail of the wedding with those who are financially responsible so that you can arrive at a consensus.
7. Venus and Mars Stress (taken from the pop-psychology of John Grey)
Are you and your fiancé arguing more than normal? Realize that this friction is normal because you are spending more time on wedding planning versus spending time on your relationship. Not always, but usually, guys look at the big picture and gals look at specifics, so take this difference into account when you are planning and expecting things from each other. Naturally, we are going to approach things from different angles and perspectives. Use this to your best advantage; work with your strengths and try not to fit a square peg into a round hole.
Above all, brides and grooms need to respect each other and each other's uniqueness. Individually, they should be aware of their thresholds for stress, and how much stress they can handle in a given time period. Remember: words said in explosive or high stress situations cannot be taken back once they are said. If you're feeling stressed out...Stop, Relax, Listen, and Communicate with each other. Look around you to see what is REALLY happening. Respond to situations and issues and avoid knee-jerk reactions.
That's why it is so important to take time away from wedding planning and spend time with each other. A romantic dinner, a bike ride -- whatever you both like to do together. (Just don't discuss the wedding plans!)
Girls, if your guy is being rather quiet or distant, don’t take this personally. He is just crawling into his cave for a bit to get centered again – let him. Let him deal with whatever he needs to deal with and know that he will eventually come out again for a breathe of fresh air, and he will be his usual loving self again.
Guys, your beautiful bride-to-be is working overtime to make this a super special day for the two of you. If you feel left out or that you are not getting enough attention, don’t mope or whine – talk to her. Let her know your feelings and ask if there is anything that you can do to help her, and mean it. When her voice gets a little high-pitched or she becomes short-tempered and shrill, just go with the flow – this too will pass. Give her a big hug and take her out for dinner and dancing, and she will be back to her usual loving, caring, and considerate self in no time. Remember the five most important words ever “What ever you want honey”. Or the four most important words, “I will do that.” Or the three most important words, “ I Love you.” Or the two most important words, “ Yes dear.” The most important word, “O.K.”
8. Many brides fear that they will forget something important.
One way to handle stress is to stay organized while planning. Writing everything down in a special wedding notebook is a good idea.
Take a few moments each day, preferably at night before going to sleep, and do breathing exercises. Then go over your list with your mate and see if there is anything that you forgot. Check off things that are done, and then mentally redo the list as if it has never been done at all to see if there was an item that you missed. This is a great way to include your fiancé in the details so that he will feel part of things.
9. Do a practice run
Go hear your intended DJ in action, or at least, get three recommendations and talk to them about his/her work.
Why is music such an important part of a wedding? It creates an atmosphere that fulfills the dreams of the bride, groom and their families. "Many brides dream of the perfect wedding, and most 'hear' certain music in the background. We help to create the desired atmosphere, while coordinating the event to make sure it's a success, Because every wedding is unique, it's important to select a DJ that has a good variety of music.
Have a meal where you intend to have your reception.
Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try to create the affair of your dreams, long after everything is said and done, people always remember the food. It would be wise to go once or twice times to see if the quality is consistent or, as previously mentioned, to talk to at least three other couples who have had their reception at the same venue.
At least four to six months in advance, have your portraits taken by the photographer who is going to photograph your wedding.
Your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life and you want to remember it with all of its beauty. That being said, your portraits are one of the very few things that will last forever. The relationship you have with your photographer is critical: it is very hard to capture fabulous photographs when you don’t get along with the photographer or that his/her style doesn’t match yours. Make sure that you get together with the photographer several time before the wedding and have a clear understanding of what the expectations are. Create a list of all the photographs that are really important to you. Create a list of all the people that you really want to have a special portrait with because the photographer can’t read minds. The photographer hasn’t a clue that Aunt Grisellda from Upper Podunk is your favourite aunt. You need to let them know.
10. GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND WISDOM ALWAYS TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE – In other words, Don’t Worry Be Happy.
The biggest secret to a successful wedding is to not worry yourself to death, enjoy the day, and enjoy the moment because it will not come again.
Think it through. Go ahead and fret a little. It's better than trying to suppress all the anxiety. The more you try to suppress unwanted thoughts, the more likely you are to become obsessed with them. That's particularly true when you're under a lot of pressure, stress or mental overload. So just when you're trying to avoid unhappy thoughts, you'll actually get sadder than if you'd confront those unhappy thoughts head-on. Ninety-nine percent of what we worry about never happens. Feel the fear, that's part of being human. Regardless, go out and do things anyway, knowing that most of your fears are unfounded.
Take your time. It's one thing to think about your problems. It's another to let them dominate your thoughts. Don’t let people pressure you into making a decision you don’t want to make. If there are things about your wedding that are worrying you, focus on your worry for thirty minutes, and try to think of solutions to the problem. Research on chronic worriers shows that if they spend time at night actively worrying about their problems, the degree of worrying in their lives goes down overall
Write a new ending. People who worry can be amazingly creative. They turn any harmless scenario into a disaster by imagining the worst. Try putting that creativity to good use by turning your fears into fantasies. If you worry about tripping while you go down the aisle and falling into a candle destroying your hair-do because the veil exploded in fire, try picturing yourself being light as air and, to the amazement of all your guests, floating down the aisle while a chorus of angels sings “You are the Wind Beneath My Wings”. (How’s that for “lightening up”!)
Tally your troubles. List all your worries. Are you afraid that it's going to rain on the day of the wedding? You can't control the weather, so file it under the heading "Beyond My Skills." Do you worry that other people find you unattractive, even when you really know you're not? That goes on the "Creative Fiction" list.
What's the sense of worrying about things in these categories? There isn't any. Why worry about the weather? Why worry about things that aren't true? Once you expose these thoughts as worthless worries, it’s easier to dismiss them.
Take action. Some worries are more legitimate. Are you concerned about your health? Well, list all the things you could do to improve things. Maybe you could start walking every day, or eat better. Then decide which items on the list you're going to do. The secret is doing, doing, doing. When you're actively working on a solution, worry is less likely to be a problem, and you'll begin to feel as if you're the designer of your life, not a victim of it.
Be a willing participant and creator of your wedding – HAVE FUN!!!
One way to let all your friends and family enjoy the planning process is to have a personal website that allows interaction and a diary up to and including the wedding day. This idea is particularly useful if you have family or friends who are out of town and can’t attend the wedding. A great website to check out would be www.22wed.com.
Scientists use the term HOMEOSTASIS (homeo = the same; stasis = standing) to define the physiological limits within which the body functions efficiently and comfortably. Stress disturbs homeostasis by creating a state of imbalance. The Lord knows how easily some people can cause us imbalance. Well, the secret of all of this is that, if we know how difficult it is to change ourselves, we must then take for granted that we are not going to be able to change others, especially between now and the wedding date. So what can we do to make or create STASISHOMEO “the ability to maintain the same mental condition we enjoy now on the day of your wedding” (LOL)?
The all time stress-o-meter gives the following scores to different stress events in our lives:
Event Stress Score
Death of spouse 100
Divorce 73
Marital separation 65
Jail term 63
Death of a close relative 63
Personal injury or illness 53
Marriage / partnership commitment 50
Loss of job 47
Retirement 45
Illness in family 44
Sexual problems 39
Childbirth 39
Change in finances 38
Death of a close friend 37
Change of job 36
Taking out a mortgage or loan 31
Mortgage foreclosure 30
Increased responsibilities 29
Offspring leaves home 29
Fight with in-laws 29
I don’t know girls, but I think that a fight with the boss rates right up there with marriage.
The first thing we must do is to be able to recognize stress in others and ourselves. Stress management involves four main tasks:
ü Recognize and understand the signs of stress.
ü Identify and understand the sources of stress.
ü Learn to manage controllable sources of stress.
ü Learn to support yourself and cope with stress reactions to
situations beyond your control.
Signs of Stress
Over-stress reactions include a wide range of symptoms: stomach aches, headaches, sleep problems, poor concentration, moodiness, irritability, and racing thoughts. It's important to recognize that these are all signs of stress overload, probably not signs of a more serious condition.
Now that you know all this good stuff, does it help? No! We need some tools and strategies to help you have a Successful Wedding.
1. A great stress reducer is getting in shape for the wedding.
Let’s face it; you are going to have a second full time job. Planning and organizing a wedding is a time-consuming and energy zapping experience, not to mention the marathon parties, the family get togethers, and all that glorious shopping. Don’t forget, all the marathon parties, food, drinks, cake, drinks, dinners. Did I mention drinks? This sends your body and nervous system for a loop.
What’s the best thing to do? Go for a walk. That’s right, a nice calm, stress relieving, pound reducing walk. Or if you are so inclined, go to the gym and work out. Aspiring brides and grooms who want to get fit for their perfect day are latching onto a fitness trend where gyms, personal trainers and spas all promise weight loss, toning and a healthy glow in “bridal boot camps.” The more energy you use, the more stress you rid yourself of (and it helps to tone your legs and build your cardiovascular system so that you can dance all night long at your reception!)
It is also very important to be eating right and taking time to rest both of which can vastly improve energy levels. Start drinking more water instead of caffeine and sugar-loaded liquids. Reduce salt intake. Caffeine, sugar and salt, cause chemical reactions to your nervous system by making you jumpy, nervous and high-strung, so make sure you watch your consumption of these items. Salt, or sodium, also helps your body retain water, causing that bloating, puffed-up feeling.
2. Secondly, couples have to realize they shouldn't expect "perfection". Expect a "terrific" day and set reasonable expectations.
This actually is considered the number one stress factor – desperately seeking perfection. You must remember what your main goal is, and that is to get married to the one you love the most in the entire world. Setting expectations that are too high will create stress and lead to frustration, and then more stress.
There will be stress, you can count on it. Why? Because there are not only a lot of decisions to be made but also many details to be worked out, and others may want, or try to influence you. Such pressure is not bad or wrong; it just requires that you and your fiancé be aware of what is really happening. Try to respond to issues and avoid reacting to things. It will make a big difference.
Remember, things will go wrong; you are dealing with people and lots of variables. Don’t sweat the small stuff; the key is that if something does go wrong only you will know about it. The best way to make sure that things don’t go wrong is to plan carefully, track faithfully, and confirm diligently.
*The week before the wedding call all your vendors and check the date, time and location with them to verify the correct details. Give a list of their phone numbers to someone in case any of them don't show up on the day.*
3. Picture your wedding the way you want it, visualize all of your details clearly in your mind, and stay focused on what you want.
Couples are constantly re-defining weddings. They seem to place more importance on their wedding being a celebration of individual love than on fussiness, formalities or old-fashioned, outdated etiquette. They are celebrating who they are, right now.
Remember, if you fail to dream, you will live your nightmare, so figure out what it is you want and go for it. With this mental image, you can list down all the details, and one by one, when you have either completed them or delegated them to someone you trust to make sure that they get done the way you want them to be done, you can check them off. Having this list is a huge stress buster and it helps you sleep at night. Another secret for a good night’s sleep is to have a notebook beside your bed, and every time you wake up thinking that there is something you think you missed, write it down.
Often simplicity in a wedding ceremony is much more beautiful than having too much. This helps keep stress levels down as well. You can also create a great wedding website at www.22wed.com where you can keep everybody informed about what is happening and that will help keep you focused.
4. Time is always another stressful factor.
Another great stress reducer and wedding success maker is time management. Couples who begin planning early and pace themselves should be able to avoid last minute chaos. The old saying, “An hour late and a dollar short” could never be more applicable than for a wedding. Give yourself as much time as possible to dream about your wedding, write down all your goals (things you need to do), budget for each area, and give yourself time for a breather. Below you will find a basic wedding planner with guidelines as to what you might need to do and when it would be appropriate to get done.
Speaking of a breather, while planning your wedding you may have found that it has essentially taken over your life. You need to reclaim your life, even if it is only for a day or for a few hours, and take some time to yourself. Make time to connect with your partner and spend positive time together.
What is it you used to do before all of this planning? Do you like to read? Do you enjoy gardening? How about going for walks? Whatever it is that you may have let slip or sacrificed for the greater good, you need to take that time to yourself and your loved one and enjoy the relaxation that comes with doing something that you enjoy.
Learning to delegate is vital, especially the day of the wedding. Put someone else in charge of paying the vendors, moving the guest book from the ceremony to the reception site, double-checking with the caterers, or any other small task. Read through your list and assign everything! Hey, it’s your day – enjoy it!!!
5. Relationships themselves, between the bride and groom, can be stressful and can become even more stressful prior to the marriage.
Back on the stress-o-meter, we see that getting married in itself is a very stressful change in a person’s life. When we further add to that: late nights, changes in eating habits, changes in drinking habits, fear of all kinds (failure, things going wrong, anxiety attacks, tripping down the aisle, etc), we see that things can get out of perspective with the one we love.
As the old song says, “You always hurt the one you Love”, and there are other relationships other than the one with your fiancé’: those between the bride and her family, her sisters, her bridesmaids, the groom and his friends and family. The "relationships" I'm speaking of, are everywhere and not limited to the relationship between the bride and groom.
Take some time to reconnect with your closest friends. Try not to talk too much about your planning, but realize that it is a part of your life right now and your friends probably are interested. However, they also want you to be interested in their lives, so don’t forget to ask them questions and turn the attention towards them, too.
To get away from centering on ourselves, we need to do something for someone else. You will be surprised how good (and relaxed) you will feel by making someone else feel good. Cook a friend dinner, serve a meal at your local soup kitchen, baby-sit for a couple who could use a break, take your niece or nephew out for an ice cream cone...there are so many things you can do for so many people - give it a try and see how good you feel!
Another really important aspect to remember is that there are always some people (relatives or friends) who know how to "push your buttons". When you are feeling very stressed… be sure to stay away from or at least limit your time with these people. I know it’s hard, but force yourself to – it will pay dividends in the long run.
Speaking about being hard – JUST SAY NO! Now is not the time to be a people-pleaser. There may be many people around you who want to have their say about how your wedding should be arranged. Nevertheless, this is your day, and while you will want to accommodate others' views, much stress can be avoided if you start as you mean to go on, clearly asserting your wishes and plans wherever possible, and not encouraging suggestions that you know will eventually be turned down. Being honest is the best policy all round.
That point brings me to the topic of arguing. Where weddings are concerned, the emotionally tense environment can lead people to make mountains out of molehills. How spoons and forks are placed on tables may never have mattered before, but they may become a hot topic of debate between parents and the bride/groom-to-be.
Try to avoid arguing over petty things. Remember that it's better to have a simpler wedding and that in the end; it's not the minute details of your wedding that will really make your marriage or your relationship with your family members successful.
Finally, remember the intention behind the tension. Why is your mother insisting you wear that horrid dress on your wedding day? Why is your father insisting on getting to the hall on the day of the wedding by taking the most complicated route?
It's not because they're your worst enemies. Their reasons are that they love you and want what's the best for you. Reminding yourself of the intention behind the source of conflict will help you realize that while you are getting stressed over the disagreements over certain issues pertaining to the wedding, behind that disagreement there is love and concern. Your families, especially your parents, want what's best for you and that concern is what is motivating them.
6. Money issues also frequently come up and create stressful situations.
Don't forget to budget! Since money is such an easy thing to fight about, make sure you sit down at the beginning of the process, agree on how much money you're going to spend, and stick to it! I know, I know, budget is as close to a four-letter word as you can get, but it also can bring you closer to those you love. If everyone is on the same page and in agreement, everything will go much more smoothly.
Grooms might find themselves more concerned about, or "stressed out" about money. Subconsciously, rightly or wrongly, men often will have the concept that they will have to take care of the women, and that includes financially taking care of them. Money and financial issues are almost always stress-inducing, and it doesn't necessarily matter how much money someone has! Whether you are a bride or a groom, a wedding is a time where all kinds of stress can manifest itself. So do not dodge this bullet. Meet it head on and openly discuss each and every detail of the wedding with those who are financially responsible so that you can arrive at a consensus.
7. Venus and Mars Stress (taken from the pop-psychology of John Grey)
Are you and your fiancé arguing more than normal? Realize that this friction is normal because you are spending more time on wedding planning versus spending time on your relationship. Not always, but usually, guys look at the big picture and gals look at specifics, so take this difference into account when you are planning and expecting things from each other. Naturally, we are going to approach things from different angles and perspectives. Use this to your best advantage; work with your strengths and try not to fit a square peg into a round hole.
Above all, brides and grooms need to respect each other and each other's uniqueness. Individually, they should be aware of their thresholds for stress, and how much stress they can handle in a given time period. Remember: words said in explosive or high stress situations cannot be taken back once they are said. If you're feeling stressed out...Stop, Relax, Listen, and Communicate with each other. Look around you to see what is REALLY happening. Respond to situations and issues and avoid knee-jerk reactions.
That's why it is so important to take time away from wedding planning and spend time with each other. A romantic dinner, a bike ride -- whatever you both like to do together. (Just don't discuss the wedding plans!)
Girls, if your guy is being rather quiet or distant, don’t take this personally. He is just crawling into his cave for a bit to get centered again – let him. Let him deal with whatever he needs to deal with and know that he will eventually come out again for a breathe of fresh air, and he will be his usual loving self again.
Guys, your beautiful bride-to-be is working overtime to make this a super special day for the two of you. If you feel left out or that you are not getting enough attention, don’t mope or whine – talk to her. Let her know your feelings and ask if there is anything that you can do to help her, and mean it. When her voice gets a little high-pitched or she becomes short-tempered and shrill, just go with the flow – this too will pass. Give her a big hug and take her out for dinner and dancing, and she will be back to her usual loving, caring, and considerate self in no time. Remember the five most important words ever “What ever you want honey”. Or the four most important words, “I will do that.” Or the three most important words, “ I Love you.” Or the two most important words, “ Yes dear.” The most important word, “O.K.”
8. Many brides fear that they will forget something important.
One way to handle stress is to stay organized while planning. Writing everything down in a special wedding notebook is a good idea.
Take a few moments each day, preferably at night before going to sleep, and do breathing exercises. Then go over your list with your mate and see if there is anything that you forgot. Check off things that are done, and then mentally redo the list as if it has never been done at all to see if there was an item that you missed. This is a great way to include your fiancé in the details so that he will feel part of things.
9. Do a practice run
Go hear your intended DJ in action, or at least, get three recommendations and talk to them about his/her work.
Why is music such an important part of a wedding? It creates an atmosphere that fulfills the dreams of the bride, groom and their families. "Many brides dream of the perfect wedding, and most 'hear' certain music in the background. We help to create the desired atmosphere, while coordinating the event to make sure it's a success, Because every wedding is unique, it's important to select a DJ that has a good variety of music.
Have a meal where you intend to have your reception.
Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try to create the affair of your dreams, long after everything is said and done, people always remember the food. It would be wise to go once or twice times to see if the quality is consistent or, as previously mentioned, to talk to at least three other couples who have had their reception at the same venue.
At least four to six months in advance, have your portraits taken by the photographer who is going to photograph your wedding.
Your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life and you want to remember it with all of its beauty. That being said, your portraits are one of the very few things that will last forever. The relationship you have with your photographer is critical: it is very hard to capture fabulous photographs when you don’t get along with the photographer or that his/her style doesn’t match yours. Make sure that you get together with the photographer several time before the wedding and have a clear understanding of what the expectations are. Create a list of all the photographs that are really important to you. Create a list of all the people that you really want to have a special portrait with because the photographer can’t read minds. The photographer hasn’t a clue that Aunt Grisellda from Upper Podunk is your favourite aunt. You need to let them know.
10. GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND WISDOM ALWAYS TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE – In other words, Don’t Worry Be Happy.
The biggest secret to a successful wedding is to not worry yourself to death, enjoy the day, and enjoy the moment because it will not come again.
Think it through. Go ahead and fret a little. It's better than trying to suppress all the anxiety. The more you try to suppress unwanted thoughts, the more likely you are to become obsessed with them. That's particularly true when you're under a lot of pressure, stress or mental overload. So just when you're trying to avoid unhappy thoughts, you'll actually get sadder than if you'd confront those unhappy thoughts head-on. Ninety-nine percent of what we worry about never happens. Feel the fear, that's part of being human. Regardless, go out and do things anyway, knowing that most of your fears are unfounded.
Take your time. It's one thing to think about your problems. It's another to let them dominate your thoughts. Don’t let people pressure you into making a decision you don’t want to make. If there are things about your wedding that are worrying you, focus on your worry for thirty minutes, and try to think of solutions to the problem. Research on chronic worriers shows that if they spend time at night actively worrying about their problems, the degree of worrying in their lives goes down overall
Write a new ending. People who worry can be amazingly creative. They turn any harmless scenario into a disaster by imagining the worst. Try putting that creativity to good use by turning your fears into fantasies. If you worry about tripping while you go down the aisle and falling into a candle destroying your hair-do because the veil exploded in fire, try picturing yourself being light as air and, to the amazement of all your guests, floating down the aisle while a chorus of angels sings “You are the Wind Beneath My Wings”. (How’s that for “lightening up”!)
Tally your troubles. List all your worries. Are you afraid that it's going to rain on the day of the wedding? You can't control the weather, so file it under the heading "Beyond My Skills." Do you worry that other people find you unattractive, even when you really know you're not? That goes on the "Creative Fiction" list.
What's the sense of worrying about things in these categories? There isn't any. Why worry about the weather? Why worry about things that aren't true? Once you expose these thoughts as worthless worries, it’s easier to dismiss them.
Take action. Some worries are more legitimate. Are you concerned about your health? Well, list all the things you could do to improve things. Maybe you could start walking every day, or eat better. Then decide which items on the list you're going to do. The secret is doing, doing, doing. When you're actively working on a solution, worry is less likely to be a problem, and you'll begin to feel as if you're the designer of your life, not a victim of it.
Be a willing participant and creator of your wedding – HAVE FUN!!!
One way to let all your friends and family enjoy the planning process is to have a personal website that allows interaction and a diary up to and including the wedding day. This idea is particularly useful if you have family or friends who are out of town and can’t attend the wedding. A great website to check out would be www.22wed.com.
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